Episode Four
A month later, Jacob knocked on Cobby’s door at dawn and entered.
Cobby was in his blue pyjamas, and he indicated the chair for Acquah, and sat down opposite him.
“I assume something is wrong,” Cobby said quietly.
“It is Cecilia,” Jacob said miserably. “She’s pregnant. She missed her period this month.”
Cobby remained seated for a long time without speaking, his eyes boring with uncontrollable fury at Acquah.
“After all my warnings,” he said finally. “After begging you two so much, you still went ahead and fornicated?”
Jacob looked down miserably at his feet.
“The feeling was too strong, Cobbyby,” he said, obviously stressed. “I must admit I tried to let her abort, but she’s too scared to do it. She has regretted sleeping with me, and believes that if she aborts God will punish her again for murder. We have decided to get married, bro. I went and informed my father in the village.”
“Your father,” Cobby said, shaking his head. “The man that always advises you to look for a sensible woman and forget love because love doesn’t exist, your father Adams. Now he has agreed to follow you make marital arrangements with a woman you love.”
“Listen, bro, this situation is hard and bad!” Jacob said in a rush. “I’ve decided to marry her quickly before her pregnancy starts showing. Would you go with me to your pastor to arrange it?”
Cobby chuckled and shook his head.
“What? No can’t do, Yacubu!” he said gently. “She’s pregnant. She has done what should have been done after marriage. No, we can’t let her have a church wedding. She’ll give birth, and she would be excommunicated for a while, and then, after she is reinstated again, you can have a blessing. Forget the wedding, it’s out!”
“What the hell are you talking about, you conka-head?” Jacob said fiercely. “Damn it, no one knows she’s pregnant! She’s crying, bro! We can rush through the wedding and no one would know she’s pregnant!”
“I would know, Yacubu,” Cobby said. “And God would know. I’ll rather displease you, than displease God. Those are the statutes of the of the church, and I can’t break them!”
“You wicked friend!” Jacob said angrily. “Look at your huge conka head!”
“I like it, thank you!” Cobby replied.
Jacob stood up in an angry huff and left the room.
He entered his room and found Cecilia on her knees in front of the sofa, weeping and praying. She looked up at him and when she saw his crestfallen expression, she began to weep uncontrollably.
“What did he say, Jake-Love?” she asked tremulously.
“Need you ask?” Jacob said tightly. “He refused!”
Cecilia blasted past Jacob and went out, heading straight for Cobby’s door.
The door was still unlocked, and she entered.
She found him reading a Bible, and she fell down on her hands and knees and held his legs, weeping uncontrollably.
“Elder, please, for the love of God, help me!” she wept bitterly. “I know you warned us not to fornicate, but the devil, Elder, the devil was too strong for us! Please, help me! Don’t let disgrace befall me!”
Cobby carefully put his Bible down.
“Stop what you’re doing, Ceci!” he said gently. “You know I’ll never go against the laws of God, and I’ll never flout the laws of the church. You go and confess to Pastor Sena. If he agrees to your plan, that’ll be his problem. As for me, please, count me out, wai! I warned you against your fornication plans, but you wouldn’t listen!”
He moved away from her and entered his bedroom, and she remained on the floor weeping bitterly until Jacob Acquah came back for her and took her out.
A week later, Jacob’s parents arrived from the village with some elders of his town. His father was Adams Acquah, and his mother was Leticia Acquah.
They had brought the necessary items needed for the knocking rights.
He and Cecilia had finally agreed to go to the High Court to have their wedding and register the marriage, and then come home for the refreshment.
Pastor Sena had disassociated himself and the church from the ceremony, and so it meant that it would be done with friends and without the church.
Conveniently, Cecilia had been ex-communicated from the church.
Cobby and his landlord and a few elderly people had all agreed to go with Acquah and his family members to go and do the knocking.
They left the house early on a Saturday morning and went to Cecilia’s house.
Two huge white tents had been erected, and there was music playing and a lot of food available!
Jacob was doing things in style!
Jacob’s entourage was huge and powerful. He had bought almost double of everything that was requested, because they planned to have the engagement in a week’s time, and then the marriage the next Saturday.
Many of the church members had also turned up, including Nii, who was looking happy again with his new partner, Vanessa Boatemaa, the daughter of a lecturer, and they were now in Observatory Courtship.
It was a joyous day, and Cecilia was looking resplendent in her splendid white dress, hidden in her room and waiting anxiously for Jacob to arrive with his people.
She looked through the window and saw Nii and Vanessa sitting near the window, looking so happy and in love, and she felt great pains in her heart.
Oh, how she wished she had waited a bit, just a little bit, and not rushed to sleep with Cobby! Now, she wouldn’t have her heart’s desire, a church wedding.
She brushed her tears away bravely, and just then there was a great noise as Jacob and his entourage arrived!
There were shouts and screams.
Cecilia’s mother, Tsotsoo Dede, was sitting beside the Head Clan of her family and her aged father when Jacob and his parents arrived.
Jacob was looking resplendent in his white top and down, waving a white handkerchief.
As custom demanded, they had to greet Cecilia’s family.
Jacob’s father led the group, and Cobby dutifully joined them.
Adams Acquah, Jacob’s father, looked up smiling, ready to greet Cecilia’s mother, and then he turned round fast and faced Jacob who was behind him.
“Kwamena, I want to pass stool!” he said, and he was shaking quite severely, his face suddenly filled with great fear.
“Oh, Paapa, aba boshit nso nyi?” Jacob said with sudden disdain. “You want to poop now, oh how?”
“My belly-ache problems, my son, my belly aches!” Adams Acquah said.
“Oh, how can you disgrace us like this, Adams?” Letitia said, and she held her husband’s shoulder and turned his round. “You’ll poop later! Greet them first!”
And that was when Tsotsoo Dede took one look at Adams Acquah, and jumped to her feet with a loud scream.
“Eiiiiiiiiiiii! Adams Acquah! Is that you? Eiiiiiiiii! What are you doing here?”
She broke into instant tears and removed the outer covering of her cloth, and then she did a very incredible thing: she began to beat Jacob’s father with her bunched clothing whilst screaming and weeping uncontrollably!
Cobby and Jacob pulled her back, just as Cecilia appeared from inside the room.
She had heard her mother screaming and had come out to investigate.
She also held her mother.
“Oh, Mama, Mama!” Cecilia cried. “What’s the meaning of this?”
Cecilia’s mother was sitting on the floor now.
She had removed her headgear and weeping uncontrollably, chanting out the names of gods.
“Mama, Mama!” Cecilia screamed, getting on her knees and holding her dearest mother. “You’re scaring me, mother! What’s the meaning of this?”
“That man!” Aunty Tsotsoo screamed. “That wicked man Adams! He came to my village when I was just a young girl! I was promised in marriage to Ebow Mafia, my darling! But that Adams, he lied to me! He said he would marry me! He was the agricultural extension officer! Oh, he made me pregnant, and when I told him he said he wants a sensible woman to marry, and not me!
She stopped, unable to speak because her tears were choking her.
After a while she continued:
“He said love did not exist! He said I wasn’t sensible enough so I should abort you! I didn’t do! And then he fled the village, and we never saw him again! That was why I told you your father is dead! That buffoon is your father! Oh, Adams, you have killed me oooo! Oh, Gods of Achacha, gods of Dumadu, gods of Shamashui, come and see me ooo! Come and see this wicked man! Curse him for me, gods! Curse this man for me.”
Cecilia screamed loudly, and then she dropped in a faint!
There was pandemonium everywhere!
Jacob held his stunned father and shook him hard!
“Is this true, Paapa? Is this true?” he wailed in anguish. “Say it’s not true! Say it is false!”
Adams Acquah was also weeping bitterly, nodding his head.
“It’s all true, my son!” he wept. “I sinned against her! I’m so sorry!”
And that was when Leticia slapped her husband left right and centre as she also started screaming horror.
Jacob was now sitting on the floor, screaming wildly.
“Ohhhhhhhhh, Paaaaaaapa! Ohhhhhhhhhh Paaapa! Cecilia is my own sister? You made me sleep with my own sister oooooo! You made me impregnate my own sister ooooooo!”
Nii was standing close by, and he burst into uncontrollable laughter as the crazy scene went on. He laughed so hard that Vanessa held his arm and dragged him forcibly out of the house. Once outside, she also began to laugh uncontrollably.
“So, Cecilia’s child will be her own nephew?” she asked, and this set off Nii in another uncontrollable bout of laughter.
And in the house Cobby shook his head sadly.
Jacob was crawling on the floor, weeping uncontrollably.
Cecilia had also regained consciousness, and she was sitting on the floor, stunned, and weeping silently, totally in shock.
“This world is something else,” Cobby said softly to Jacob. “So all along, when you found Cecilia and thought you two were so compatible, as if you had known each other for years, because you two liked almost the same things and had almost everything in common, it was simply because she was your long-lost half-sister? Oh, dearest Lord! I told you to wait, Jacob, and not sleep with her! If you had listened to me, you would’ve known she’s your sister eventually, and avoided this great act of incestuous taboo!”
“I will go to church, Cobby!” Jacob was crying bitterly. “You warned me oooo! You said I should stop my fornication plans ooooo! Oh, oh, oh, Cobby, you said it! My son is my nephew! My wife is my sister! And my father’s daughter-in-law is his daughter! My son will call me Uncle! Oh, taboooooo!! I’ll go to church oooo! Pray for me oooo, Cobby! Pray for me, for it’s better if I die!”
Cobby Grant said nothing.
He pulled out a chair and sat down, too stunned to react in any other way.
It was supposed to have been a most joyous day, but it had turned into a most painful day of mourning!
The End of FORNICATION PLANS

Episode Three
Cobby got home very late.
He felt so sad at what had happened, and his best friend’s involvement with it.
He went to Jacob’s door and knocked, but Jacob was not in.
Cobby took out his phone and called Acquah; he had been calling the whole afternoon but Jacob had not answered.
He sighed and went to his room.
Not far away, at a restaurant called SHABO BITES, Jacob Acquah was taking a seat with Cecilia Dede.
Jacob glanced at his vibrating phone and saw it was Acquah, and he scowled and pushed the phone back into his pocket.
Cecilia sat down, and Jacob smiled at her.
Cecilia had been sad since her return from church.
She had narrated the bad incidents in the pastor’s office to Acquah, and told him how Pastor Augustine Sena had tried to advise her to break off her relationship with Jacob, and how she had remained adamant.
She was sad because she had defied her own revered pastor.
“Don’t worry, sweety kakro kelewele agbeli yima!” Jacob had told her in his room. “I’m going to marry you, and they would all be ashamed, especially that ugly friend of mine!”
Shortly afterwards they had come to the restaurant to eat.
She smiled now and fondled Jacob’s cheek with love.
“Let’s order, my darlingcious honeycious applecious super model!” he said with a huge smile. “What would you want to eat? A crocodile?”
She giggled and shook her head.
“No, my handsomecious husbandcious!” she replied, and both of them burst into laughter.
Jacob took out his wallet and tossed it to her.
“Go and order some food for us, ahoofe broniba l’surpadora pretty beautiful!”
She looked at the wallet with shock.
“Oh!” she whispered, tears coming to her eyes. “You’re giving me your wallet?”
He smiled and waved a hand.
“Just go and get something for us,” he said. “Buy any food you want, sweet ahomakye dew!”
She giggled and took the wallet, her eyes adoring him.
No man had ever given her his wallet and entrusted her with everything!
Not even Nii Lin.
This showed just how much Jacob really adored and loved her.
She was so happy and tender-hearted that when she came back to the table she gave him a long, sweet kiss.
“My heart is for you, my incredible husband Jacob!”
“Ahhhh!” Jacob said sweetly. “When you do that then something passes through me like yiiiiiiiiiiii!”
They laughed again happily.
After their sweet meal they went back to Jacob’s place.
Luckily, Jacob saw that there was no light inside Cobby’s room.
It was around nine o’clock, and he assumed that his friend was asleep.
As he inserted his key and unlocked the door, Cobby’s door opened and he came out wearing black jeans and a red T-shirt.
Both Jacob and Cecilia were appalled to see him as he approached.
His expression was stern as he looked at Cecilia.
“Are you still here, Ceci?” he asked harshly, and then turned his gaze on Acquah. “You’ve really disgraced me in front of my pastor and my congregation, Yacubu! This girl had a boyfriend, a down-to-earth young man who loved her greatly, and you made her break off with him!”
“Shun your body, massa!” Acquah said angrily. “It’s not our fault. We’ve fallen in love so hard! It’s as if we’ve known each other all our years! I’m going to see her mother tomorrow, and start the initial rites! I’ve found my own rib, Cobby, and I’m going to marry her!”
“Good, very good!” Cobby angrily. “That’s good, but until you do it and marry her, you’re not sleeping with her! Fornication is a sin against the body, the temple of God, and it is the only sin the Bible warns us to flee from! So your fornication plans won’t work today, or ever, both of you, until that marriage happens.”
“My body is what temple?” Jacob Acquah asked angrily. “Hari Krishna temple or ayoyo temple? My paddy, comot for there!”
“Go home, Ceci!” Acquah said harshly. “Go home now! If you sleep with Jacob, we won’t support you in your marriage, and you can’t have it in the church.”
“Aaaaahhhba, Cobby Tikese Grant!” Jacob shouted. “Do you want to jigijigi this girl or what! Why have you become such a wizard? Bayifo like you!”
Cobby took Cecilia’s arm and led her away.
She followed him tearfully.
The tenants in the house were looking on eagerly, and she felt so ashamed.
Acquah dragged her outside and gave her a twenty-cedi note.
“Go home, Ceci!” he said harshly. “Remember, you won’t be sinning against me, but against God and the Holy Spirit if you fornicate with him.”
“Yes, Elder,” Cecilia said sadly. “I’m going home!”
When Cobby returned to the house he found Jacob’s door locked.
He went to his own room, unaware that Jacob had been hiding behind one corner near the entrance, and as soon as Cobby reached the middle of the house, he sneaked out after Cecilia.
Jacob found her on the kerb, looking lost and with tears down her cheeks.
He flagged down a taxi, and they entered.
They sat in the back seat and held each other, and soon they were kissing hotly.
“I don’t want to be alone tonight, my sweetlicious abodoo!” he gasped against her lips.
She was trembling, feeling so much loved, so much into him, so much passionately affected by the power of their love.
They spoke at the same time.
“Hotel!”
Once again, they felt so connected!
They rushed into the hotel room when they found one and Acquah paid.
As he was opening the door they were kissing, so much inflamed by passion.
He kicked the door closed, not bothering to lock it.
He gathered her up and carried her to the bed….
Episode Four

Episode Two
Cobby Grant was distressed.
He kept glancing at Cecilia Dede in church. She was always joyful and full of joie de vivre, but that Sunday she looked very distracted, and on a few occasions she looked at Cobby with almost guilty eyes.
Cobby was preaching that day. His message had been on salvation, but he always prepared and kept reserve sermons in case he was ever called on to deliver a sermon out of the blue.
He chose his reserve sermon that day, on fornication and adultery, hoping to drive a few painful truths home to Cecilia.
Using Joseph and Potiphar’s wife as examples, he passionately preached that day, and saw Cecilia’s face changing rapidly, and she became very quiet and uncomfortable.
He saw though, that she kept glancing at her phone a lot, obviously checking out the time. She was in a hurry to go and meet Jacob, no doubt.
Cobby Grant came to the end of his sermon quite convinced that Cecilia would leave the church before service was completely over. Cobby made up his mind quickly and spoke into the microphone.
“I want Sister Cecilia and Brother Nii Lin to wait for me after service, please,” Cobby said, and noticed how startled Cecilia’s face became, and how shaky she suddenly looked.
Cobby had not told Jacob anything about Nii Lin on purpose.
The young man was an IT specialist and a university graduate.
He and Cecilia had approached the Presbytery about a year ago with plans of getting married, and they had been placed on Observatory Courtship, and every member was aware of that.
Cobby was aware of Cecilia’s dark looks as he returning to his seat and the prayer session began.
After church, Cobby moved to the side of Pastor Augustine Sena and spoke quietly with him. Cecilia, watching from afar, felt her heart beating with trepidation, and she her anger flared up against Elder Cobby Grant.
She was also furious at Nii, thinking that maybe he had divulged the conversation she had had a couple of days ago with him to Elder Grant.
There was a sudden announcement that Cecilia and Nii should meet Elder Grant in the pastor’s office.
With her heart beating with mounting unease, Cecilia made her way to the first floor where the pastor’s plush office was located.
When she entered she found Pastor Augustine sitting behind his desk, and Nii sitting facing him. Elder Cobby Grant was standing at the window, looking on silently.
“Oh, hello Ceci, do take a seat,” Pastor Augustine said.
Cecilia sat down gingerly on the other seat.
Her palms were wet and she rubbed down on the dress she was wearing, across her thighs.
“Well, we always start everything with prayer in this church,” Pastor Augustine Sena said. “Elder Cobby, kindly lead us in a prayer.”
Cobby, still standing, raised his hands, and offered a short prayer.
After everyone chorused ‘Amen’, the pastor leaned forward, his face serious, and looked at Cecilia first, before turning his attention to Nii.
“Listen, guys, I know you might be worried, but please relax,” he said gently and smiled. “We placed you under Observatory Courtship as we waited for your plans to develop. We have been reassured that indeed, you’ve kept yourselves admirably from the sins of the flesh. Nii, you’ve acquired employment now, and Cecilia is now also employed as a clerk. You can now marry. Have you made any plans toward that yet?”
Cecilia looked at Nii sharply and licked her lips.
Nii Lin sighed softly, and smiled.
“Well, I was thinking about how to come and tell you what’s going on, Pastor,” Nii Lin said softly. “Two days ago Cecilia came to me. She told me she doesn’t want to marry me anymore. Apparently, she has found someone else.”
Pastor Sena gasped, and looked at Cecilia with surprise.
“Really, Ceci?” he asked softly. “Who is it? A member of this church?”
Cecilia licked her lips and took a quick look at Cobby, who was still standing still. She rubbed her hands on her thighs again, evidently in some sort of distress.
“Do you know who this man is, Nii?” Pastor Sena asked the young man.
Nii Lin also cast a glance at Acquah before replying.
“Yes, she told me he’s a friend of Elder Grant,” Nii Lin said gently. “Apparently, it is Elder Grant who arranged the whole thing and gave a testimony about his friend and advised Cecilia to leave me and marry his friend.”
The pastor looked at a shocked Cobby Grant with a frown.
“What’s this, Cobby?” Pastor Sena asked. “This is not what you told me earlier.”
Cobby smiled and inclined his head towards Cecilia.
“Please ask her when and where I gave her this advice,” he said with a chuckle. “I went to call Jacob to ask him to come to church this morning, and he told me about Ceci. I didn’t know she had lied to Nii about my role in this whole situation.”
Nii Lin looked at Cecilia, and suddenly tears shimmered in his eyes.
“Ceci?” he said sadly. “You lied to me just to get rid of me?”
Cecilia looked miserably at the pastor, and then cast furtive looks at Cobby.
“I’m sorry, Elder Grant,” she said in a small voice. “I didn’t know how to break off with Nii that’s why I used that excuse to get him to understand.”
“I don’t think that idea came from you,” Cobby said gently. “It sounds exactly like the kind of thing Jacob Acquah will think of. I know he gave you that idea.”
Pastor Sena frowned at Cecilia.
“Is this true, Ceci?” he asked softly. “Did that man told you to lie?”
Tears fell down Cecilia’s cheeks.
“Oh, I’m so sorry, Pastor, but I do love him so much!” she blurted out. “He’s good to me, and we flow so much! We’re so compatible! He thinks about the things I think of! He likes the things I like! When we’re together it is as if we’ve known each other for years!”
“Oh, don’t be stupid and childish!” Pastor Augustine Sena exploded. “You’re being naïve! That man came here only once! You’ve known him for how long, just about a week or two?”
Cobby came off the wall now, scowling.
“You know, pastor, Yacubu used almost the same words she’s using, like they feel so much connected,” he said gently. “Jacob has been my friend since we were kids, and I know him. He’s always liked women!”
“I know!” Cecilia cried. “He’s a womanizer, but he has promised to stop because he feels so much for me! I love him, please!”
“Aow, Ceci, Ceci, Ceci!” Nii Lin screamed, tears running down his face. “You’ve pierced my heart with the irons of Lucifer!”
“I’m sorry, Nii!” Cecilia wept. “But I couldn’t help it! I love him!”
Nii stood up fiercely, causing his chair to smash to the floor, and then he fled from the office in tears.
“Go after him, Cobby, whilst I speak to this silly girl!” Pastor Augustine said.
Cobby nodded, but he looked at Cecilia sternly.
“Jacob is my friend, Cecilia, and I know him,” he said tightly. “If he says you’ve changed him in just two weeks, that’s okay! But you’re a Christian, Cecilia. The Bible frowns against fornication. If Jacob says he’ll marry you, let him go and perform all the marriage rites first, before you sleep with him. Do you hear me?”
She nodded with tears running down her face.
“I’m so sorry for the inconvenience, Elder! Yes, I’m a Christian, and I’ll not fornicate, I promise to God!”
Cobby Grant ran after Nii Lin.
Episode Three Loading

FORNICATION PLANS
Featuring:
Acquah NA Cobby
Episode One
Cobby Grant came out of his room, dressed and holding his Bible, ready for church.
He lived in a compound apartment in Takoradi. He was a twenty-five years old, a science teacher at the NYAME KESE SENIOR SECONDARY SCHOOL.
Cobby was tall, fair and masculine.
His best friend, twenty-seven years old Jacob Acquah, also lived in the same house, and he was a wages accountant at a financial services firm, DONKOR BOTAN.
Cobby crossed the yard, humming to himself, and greeted some of his neighbours. He was headed for the door directly opposite his, which was Jacob’s room.
He knocked hard once and waited. There was no answer. He knocked again, harder, and when there was no answer again he hammered on the door now.
“Hey, Jacob, open up, it’s me!” he called.
“You who?” came the instant annoyed response from the other side of the door.
“Stop the concert and open the door!” Cobby shouted and banged harder on the door.
The key turned in the lock and Jacob opened the door angrily.
He had wound a piece of cloth around his waist, and he yawned hugely.
He was stocky and had a huge bald head and a ready smile all the time, although he tended to be a bit tempestuous sometimes.
Cobby looked at his friend with surprise.
“Goodness me, Yacubu!” he said, aghast. “We’re late for church already! You haven’t even gotten out of bed!”
“If I haven’t gotten out of bed why am I standing here?” Jacob asked crossly.
Cobby walked into the room and stood staring at the messy hall, shaking his head with dismay at the sight of the bottles of beer, packs of food and other stuff spread around the room.
“Seems to me like you really had a ball last night, bro!” Cobby said with disapproval, turning to his friend. “What happened, Yacubu? You told me you wouldn’t drink again! You told me you would go to church today.”
“Well, I drank last night,” Jacob said, dropping into a settee. “The church koraa I’m not going again. I’ve stopped.”
Cobby scowled darkly.
“Why, Jake, huh? Two weeks ago you promised me you want to stop living in sin, so you would go to church with me and receive Jesus Christ. So we went, and pastor prayed for you. We went last week too, and now just a week later, you refuse to go to church? Why?”
“That pastor koraa he talks too much,” Jacob said with a scowl of his own. “One short Bible verse he took, he talked and talked and talked.”
“So you want to stop going to church because the preacher spoke for too long?”
“Oh, no, that’s not what I’m saying,” Jacob said. “I told you I didn’t understand Christianity, and you promised me that you’ll let them explain to me so I should follow you to church.”
“Exactly,” Cobby said patiently. “That’s why I let you spend some time with Elder Amponsah after church so that he would explain the basics of Christianity to you. You assured me you understood, Jacob.”
“Yes, only because I wanted to come home and eat some fufu!” Jacob replied and yawned. “That Elder koraa he didn’t know huuuu! He ended up confusing me even more!”
Cobby Grant, shocked, pushed some magazines from a desk chair and sat down.
“And how did he confuse you, Yacubu?” he asked carefully.
“He couldn’t explain to me why Jesus should come and die for our sins!” Jacob said defensively. “Look, God created this Adam and Eve, and later this son of God called Lucifer sinned and changed into a snake to deceive the couple in this Garden of Eden, right?”
Cobby Grant nodded. “Yeah, right on.”
“Good,” Jacob said, leaning forward. “Now after the deceit God threw the people out of the Eden garden. God didn’t forgive that one sin. Now God sends His son down here to die, so that if I believe that, my multiple sins would be forgiven.”
“Yes, basically, yes,” Cobby said carefully.
“Aha!” Jacob said. “Now why would God send his son to die? Why didn’t He just forgive this one sin of apple eating by the man and his wife, and then killed the snake? That was the solution! It was the first sin, only one sin! Just eating of apple! Apple o! are you getting me? Apple! It wasn’t fornication or murder or rape! Just eating of an apple! If my son eats my apple, I’ll forgive him! Why couldn’t God forgive them then, and killed the snake, and instead wait for his son to die so terribly before saying if I believe that death my sins would be forgiven?”
“Goodness me, Yacubu!” Cobby Grant exclaimed. “Why are you thinking of all those things? I explained them to you! I’ve always been explaining them to you!”
“And I don’t understand them!” Jacob said, his voice getting angry. “See, you’re a scientist, right? Suppose you invent a robot, and give the robot a command. When you tell the robot to walk, it slaps you instead! Now, that’s a malfunctioning robot! So you either correct the malfunction or you turn that robot into scrap and fix your notes and manufacture a better robot!”
“Your point being?” Cobby asked.
“My point being that God should have put Adam and Eve to sleep and repaired the malfunction that made them eat the fruit before sending them out to give birth to sinful children!”
Cobby got to his feet and looked at his friend.
“You know what, after all that I’ve discussed with you, if you still have that mind set, then it’s going to take a long time explaining. So I’m going to church. We’ll continue this in the evening.”
He turned to leave, but Jacob suddenly held up a hand.
“It wasn’t all a waste, though,” he said with a smile. “I made a new friend at church last Sunday.”
Cobby turned round.
“Oh, you did, did you?” he asked, intrigued. “And who is that friend, if I may ask?”
Jacob was smiling broadly.
“That usher that seated me, the tall, dark one with the big shankus!” he said, holding out his hands to indicate the size of the ‘shankus’. “She even gave me her hymn book, and she stayed near me, helping out. She looked at me when I sang, and I could even smell her perfume. You people always say I have the voice of an apotro, but she really did enjoy my singing. When the pastor said we should greet each other, she greeted me. Her palm was so soft. We exchanged phone numbers, and we’ve been chatting.”
Cobby’s eyes widen with both shock and surprise as he gaped at his friend.
“Yacubu!” he said, his voice high. “That’s the real reason you’re saying you won’t go to church again, aren’t you? Instead of being man enough to tell me you’re making fornication plans with Cecilia, you were sitting there giving me bullshit talk!”
Jacob scowled darkly.
“Hey, my paddy, watch your mouth!” he said crossly. “Yes, I met Ceci. She entered my soul. Is it wrong to want to see her again?”
“Yes, from you it is wrong, because I know you have numerous girlfriends, and all you want to do is sleep with the poor girl!”
“Poor girl?” Jacob said and laughed. “You don’t know that girl! She knows more than your grandmother! The things she says koraa me mpo I’m afraid of her! But this one, if everything goes on well, I want to marry her. I’m falling for her paa! It is as if I’ve known her for years, Cobbyby. She flows with me! She thinks like the way I think, she understands things on my mind, bro. It’s almost spiritual.”
“You’ve known a girl for just a fortnight and you’re already in love with her?”
“Listen well, Jake! I said I am falling in love! Actually, she’s visiting me today after church.”
Cobby walked toward his friend and stood glaring at her.
“I know you want to crawl into any skirt you find.”
“Gowayu!” Jacob said, scowling. “Am I a gecko? My friend, watch your mouth!”
“You’re my best friend, Yacubu, and I took you to that church. I’m going to be made an Elder of the church soon, and I’m not going to allow you to come and play any of the girls in the church like your other girlfriends, you hear? That girl is the only daughter of her mother. Her father died before she was born. Don’t you come and mess up her life, please. Her mother has suffered enough. If you think you love her, we’ll go and see her mother, and you’ll get married to her. You’re not sleeping with her until you do the necessary rites!”
Jacob burst into laughter and slapped his thighs.
“Ei, Ebusuapanyin Cobby Grant! The way you’re talking I’m tempted to think you love that girl, and you’re jealous I took her from you.”
“I’m not like you, Jacob, and I’ve warned you!” Cobby said crossly. “You leave that girl out of your fornication plans. You’ll treat her decently, do you hear?”
“Massa, go to church!” Jacob said crossly. “Find some super glue and fix her thighs together, or take her to some carpenter to nail her legs closed. If she opens it nkooaaa dea I go shoppo!”
“You go on doing these things!” Cobby said quietly. “Keep on sleeping with any girl you get, Jacob. Keep on fornicating. The Bible warns us to flee fornication, and there’s a reason for it. Go on doing that, and you’ll live to regret your acts some day!”
“Go to church Jeremiah!” Jacob said with a laugh. “Go and worship God, Habakkuk, Apostle Nehemiah, Saint Nebuchadnezzar!”
Cobby turned away and left his friend.
Jacob yawned and stood up, and began cleaning up his room.
Episode Two LOADING