Broken-soul episode 1

July 04, 2018
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Broken 
Episode 1
'How old are you??'
'I’m seventh.'
“Where you raped ???''
No reply.
“How did it happen?”
“. Must I tell you ???”
Silence….
“So you want to get rid of it? Right?”
“Yes, is it not possible??'
“Of course it is, but if it was a rape, are you sure you don’t want the person to be persecuted??
'I am sure.”
More silence….
“How much do you have there with you?”
“I have these........''
“These are ugly and smelling dirty naira notes. Amina, come over her, check how much is in there….are you serious? Are those coins?? Do we still use coins in Nigeria???''
“Doctor, this is one thousand and eighty-five naira.”
“What? This girl... This money is not enough at all. Where is your mom??''
“is she not at home…??
 does she not know about this??
No reply…...
“Why is she not here with you??”
No reply….
“I can’t do an abortion for you with this amount….”
“Well, then , if you can’t abort the pregnancy for me doctor…then can I come back and give you the money little by little  as I can get it or I can work for you please…I will clean the hospital floor, wash your car, sweep…please sir ??
Silence-
“Tracy, this child is helpless and she must have an uncaring parents, let’s just help remove the stuff in her and let her go. She is just a month gone, this should be very easy.”
“Get the tools ready for me.”
________ ______ _________
I closed and opened my eyes countless times…..
My legs were raised higher than the rest of my body, I was naked except for a little  piece of cloth that was covering my breasts  while the doctor stood in between my legs…with the nurse standing beside him, pointing a bright torch inside me….
Please I don’t want to die..please I don’t want to die…. I echoed in my head hopefully if there is a god somewhere he or she could hear me…
I could feel the going in of the doctors metal tools inside of me; it was deeply inserted into me, trying to yank the innocent life .
Every few minute I would scream. This pain was a raw quality…it was like someone dipping a hand inside me and pulling my gut with their bare hands. It’s like being ripped rather than cut. It was so so painful, I had thought living with my mother would be the biggest pain for me, but this choice….was more worse for me.
Searing fiery bursts pulsated around each touch; intensifying with each breath I took….so I held my breath.
I didn’t want to die…
Or maybe I should.
“I need you to hold still!” The doctor snapped at me….raising his head slightly.
He gave the nurse a knowing look and I held my breath, I knew this was it….
Please let it be over…..
There was not a bit of sympathy in his voice but I couldn’t blame him
He removed his hand from under me, along with the two materials that looked like a sickle , attached to the sickle-like object was something which I could barely see before he dropped it in a pan on the table beside me…
I couldn’t see it….
The doctor was already removing the white rubber gloves on his hand, dropping them inside the pan as well.
“Get her cleaned up and give her the list of pills to use, the amount she dropped is not enough for us to give her pills sir.
The doctor said to the nurse before he left the room.
“Hey, can you get up?”
I sighed and slowly tried to raise my head but then I realized how futile it was when I had to bite my lips to stop myself from crying out loud.
Sharp pain passed through inside me. It was like my whole body has been bitten and each movement caused some bone to ache.
“I can’t” I replied weakly. The room was already beginning to spin and I could tell a stream of blood was flowing down from my private part.
“Come let me help you, we need to stop that blood soon so you won’t die of loss of blood.” The kind nurse said to me.
She moved closer to me and slid a hand beneath my back.
Wincing in pain, I held on to her, I was careful not to put all my weight on her so that I wouldn’t stain her and extra careful not to look at the blood oozing down my private part. But there was one second, one second I just happened to look down and I saw the pan.
It was a silver pan, containing a pool of blood. In it was something that looked like the structure of a baby lizard covered in thick blood…I could feel nausea rising inside me but somehow, knowing that was actually a part of me…my child…..a feeling of great sadness and despair began to rise inside me as I looked at it, lying in the pan lifelessly….
Maybe I really deserve to die….
“Hey, do not do that there, you have already given me enough job of cleaning to do.”
I swallowed and with trembling legs, I stepped on the concrete floor, holding the nurse with each step, the pain got worse  and the picture I had seen flashed in front of me.
As I walked slowly, to the bathroom….clinging onto my last will power not to look behind me…to the child that I have murdered…my child.
Broken heart continues
****** ***** ******

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