DANIEL: Hey there! Come on now, don’t tell me you were expecting this story to be written based on just Nadia’s view, I am a part of it too..And just so you know, I am the guy who sat on her right hand side, and equally the guy who was the first to be blast by her thunderous fart. I should have minded my own business, till today she blamed me for making her laugh nervously. Was it my fault? I was just trying to help
©Onyeneke Abel
Ok let me explain how I got into the picture. My father died when I was just 8 years old. I was extremely devastated, not just for his death but because there was no one to defend mynonchalant attitude. I was left with my strict mum. The family has succeeded in setting up a massive plaza where both the whites and the blacks patronizes.It was a company inherited from generation to generation. And luckily I was the only son, so without much deliberation I knew I was next in line.
©Onyeneke Abel
There is just one fact, I hate cooking. I believe it’s a job for the women, come on! Am a man for God’s sake! But my mumwouldn’t agree”How can you tell if a food tastes well if you cant cook?”She always ask me when I try to defend my rightAnd so she enrolled me in “SERENA FOODIES” with a strict warning to keep my identity hidden from the public eye. No one must find out that I am the Son of The Kayode’s Kitchen else I would be given special treatment.I have my own plans though; there is no way I would stay in the dunk house for long. I miss my friends. I miss the clubbing, the beer and the girls..
©Onyeneke Abel
I am not ready to be a man yet, but that woman wouldn’t listen!And then I saw Nadia approaching the Hall, God! She was a beauty to behold. A tall sexy Damsel, her lips were full and juicy, her hips were so visible as she hurried into the Hall..she was so well shaped, with this her American pointed nose..InstantlyI swore to have her on my bed before I make my plans to escape from this prison. Just that I never imagined that she would blast me with that fart. Seriously, I need to confess.. For a minute or two there I couldn’t remember my present position. The stench could tell that she had eaten way too much. Just as I was about to scream with the crowd, a thought came to my mind.NADIA: You know that awkward moment when you feel like vanishing into thin air, I shut my eyes and just wished I would melt like ice. Immediately the devil broke free from my ass, it didn’t even hesitate, it went to work immediately..
©Onyeneke Abel
First it overtook the center roll, and then the left to almost thevery end. A Slow uproar was created, with different complains”Who did this now? Gosh!”The ajebo girls”Wetin be dis, who mess here”The ajekpako ones..The woman on the podium had to complain when she noticed the attention of the Hall was being divided, until the devil got to her, and made her confused.. She left the podiumand promised to be back in a few minutes©Onyeneke AbelCurses arises from different angles”Na God go punish that person, e yansh go block”Silently in my mind I was just pleading ‘God forbid’I had actually thought no one except the guy on my right knew I was the one who actually originated the confusion. Until the guy on my left planned to expose me”Why did you do this, even with all the beauty you can still disgrace yourself like this”On a normal ground, I would have slapped a tooth of his mouth, but I was guilty as charged, I refused to open my eyesand he was just about to expose me when the guy on my right tapped him and extended a bundle of cash to keep him quiet..©Onyeneke Abelwith my head still bowed I turned to spy at him..he had a smile on his face, just by a look I knew this one was a total pervert”Hi, I am Daniel.. And I just saved your ass”That’s great, but was I supposed to say Thank you?
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NADIA continues: The day I would never forget in my entire life..I gently slit my hand into my purse and handed a bundle of cash back to him”Thanks, you can keep the change”I forced it into his hands when he hesitated, smiling mischievouslyBefore he made another attempt, the woman on suit reappearedOf course what she had to say was paramount, so all attention turned to her.. I still noticed Daniel with my cornered eyes, he had his eyes on me.. Maybe he thinks I am one gullible girl he can cajole just like that”You would be given a ticket at the exit of this Hall which would carry your room number, find your room and prepare for tomorrow”Immediately she left the podium I jumped up and hurried thinking that Daniel was behind me, surprisingly he wasn’t..whoa, what a relief©Onyeneke AbelI quickly picked my ticket and tried to locate my room..You won’t believe that I had to drag my bags to the third floor, I was sweating profusely, breathing so hard and finally when I got to the room, it was open..At first, I dropped my bags and peeped in to make sure I was not walking into a dead trap..before I carefully entered..”Hey!”My heart left my chest, I almost lost my balance in shock onlyto later discover it was the girl I had wanted to slit her throat on my journey to Lagos”We meet again!”Shit! No one told me I was going to have a roommate..she didn’t seem scared of me this time..I sighed, I really loved my privacy and a quiet environment to think©onyeneke AbelBut just one look at this girl, I could tell she was a very talented talkative..God why?And I was right, she kept on blabbing about heaven and earthFirst she asked why I gave her that malicious look on our journey to the academy”oooohhh..you have no idea”I thought in my mind and settled on my bed..Thoughts of that Daniel flooded my mind again..God what an embarrassment, only the ladies would really understand..if only my tummy cooperated with me, I wouldnt have to face such an embarrassment..I just tried not to think of it..I didn’t even know if I would ever be able to face that guy again”Young woman, I gave you that look cos at that moment I feltlike killing someone..and don’t you underestimate me when itcomes to murder”I warned my roommate, when she wouldn’t stop pestering me and it worked the magic, instantly she became quiet and ran to her bed..Thank goodness.. that night, lots of thought disturbed my sleep..Wilson, how could he? I imagined how he could even stay without calling to say Hi.. How that dirty girl would be all over him now..and then my family, they must be searching all over for me..do they still think am running mad..©onyeneke AbelWell as normal I slept by 1pm, after chatting and watching lots of videos on my phone.. My dear readers, that was the worst decision I had ever made in my entire life”Up! Up! Rise and shine!”I couldn’t see clearly till a pail of water was splashed on me..It was 4am! What are we rising for nah? To shine where?! Where is the sun?”What’s going on here?! It’s just 4am for God’s sake!”I lamented at the lady on a styled one buttoned suit and an high heel..who is she self?”Slap yourself”It was like my ears stood at attention”Excuse me? You emptied a pail of water on me, disturbed me from my Precious sleep! And now I should slap myself? You must be mad”All this while, as I ranted in anger, she didn’t say a word..and my common sense didn’t smote me..until she pressed a button on my doorpost and spoke to it”Security, someone just got expelled”Jesus! Her words gained weight in my ears.. I fell to my knees immediately.. It was very cold but at that moment, perspiration appeared on my forehead..expelled? God no..I pleaded my eyes out, it was then I noticed my roommate wasn’t even in the room..©Onyeneke AbelAfter much pleading, she sent the security back and ordered me to follow her..without hesitating I changed into my shorts and white polo as she instructed and ran after her..”What can you confidently cook?”A question the lady who was introduced as our supervisor asked everyone of us..it was one small girl, I knew I should even be her elder..i was confident about it..We were divided into groups, floor by floor..I was in the third floor, and the academy had six floors in total..©onyeneke AbelYou can imagine, of all the six floors, that Daniel had to be in the same third floor..”You, want can you confidently cook?”The question startled me a bit, I was busy checking Daniel out as he threw winks at me..I noticed no one actually admitted they couldn’t cook anything.. And I didn’t want to bethe firstEveryone had picked one or two food they could confidently prepare.. So to look the best I blew the lie with confidence”I can prepare..anything”Daniel alone burst out laughing.. That stupid boy, what was wrong with him”Madam know it all, why not cook something for us!”He raised the suggestion..anddespite my inner prayers to cast and bind the idea, the supervisor bought it”I am Brenda, your supervisor, I would be listing lots of African dishes we would practice for the week..but before then, Madam Nadia, who can cook anything, will prepare a fruit salad for us”
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