Episode 11
In the days that follows Paul found himself
sinking deep into his misery. He felt turned apart
with his self esteem reduced to the lowest level.
He lost every sense of pride and felt shame
whenever he beheld his wife or even thought of
her.
He couldn’t bring himself to hate her for what
she had said about his S£x life; instead, he hated
himself more than ever.
He didn’t pray about his situation because he
didn’t know what to ask God in prayer. Was he
going to be like, ‘dear God please give me the
strength and wisdom to make better love to my
wife’? That would be the most senseless and
useless prayer any human had ever made.
He didn’t fell like a man any longer around
Ruth. And to think that she had been bearing
his ‘unsatisfactory’ love making all these while
even made him wonder how she had been
managing him.
Ruth was the woman he loved. She was an
innocent woman he had brought into his home
and she had made him happy all these while.
He had lived for her and had tried to be the
best man he could ever be just for her. How
could he have known that he had been making
her suffer and live a life of regret for marrying
him?
Why had he even taken their love life for
granted? Yes, he had never given his S£x life a
second thought. He had thought it was a
secondary issue that didn’t really require much
attention given the fact that they were more
involved in heavenly race.
Paul had also never seen Ruth as someone who
would bother much about how he made love to
her. She had always been this reserved girl he
had married as a virgin. He thought she didn’t
really care. She didn’t know anything about S£x
before he married her, how could he have
known that he was not giving it to her the way
she liked it. He had never even known that
there was actually a way she liked it. She had
never been open about her sexuality.
If such an innocent, loving and gentle woman
could complain about his style of love making,
then he must be really bad at it. And that was
why he felt very bad. Wasn’t he really a man?
Coming home every evening became a torn in
his flesh. Seeing her and eating her food,
knowing that he hadn’t been able to satisfy her
as a man all these while made him felt useless.
At the moment, he just sat alone in his office
and pondered on his situation.
For the first time in a very long while, Paul took
a mental journey back to his worldly days. He
had, in his late teens, craved for women and
had slept with a couple of them but that was a
long time ago. He hardly even remembered
what sleeping with a different woman, apart
from Ruth, was like. He had always been a
moral person and had avoided fornication right
from when he repented at the age of twenty
two.
As a young Christian, he had practically avoided
Sexual intercourse by outrigthly pushing the
thought out of his mind. It was an abomination
to his God and the thought of it was a sin.
Thinking about his past life brought him to the
realization that he knew absolutely nothing
about S£x. He had in the course of trying to
live an absolute Christian life, neglected a very
important part of living. S£x must be very
important to a man’s ego, if not, why had he
felt really bad at the realization that he hadn’t
been able to satisfy his wife?
He was suffering alone and didn’t know who to
talk to about this issue. How was he going to
tell his pastor or friends that his wife was angry
with him because he wasn’t able to satisfy her
in bed? They would laugh behind his back and
even blame his childless state on him.
How was he even going to know how to satisfy
her sexually? If what he had been doing to her
had not been good enough, what was he
supposed to do to make her happy? Worst still,
there was nowhere in the bible that gave S£x
lessons.
Perhaps he should try once again with her and
see if he could improve over time. No, he wasn’t
supposed to touch her again until he was sure
he would satisfy her.
Suddenly a flash image of the Unclad girl he
had seen in his neighbor’s balcony some days
ago came into his mind. Paul was sure it was
the devil trying to make him lust for the girl
once again. But the thought of the Unclad girl
lingered. Who wouldn’t lust for such perfect
body? Then Paul felt bad that someone like him
would never be able to satisfy such a girl. He
couldn’t even satisfy a novice like Ruth.
But couldn’t it be possible that his Sexual life
was unsatisfactory because he was only having
S£x with a novice like Ruth? Come to think of it,
how could he perfect in the act of love making
when he only slept with just his innocent and
inexperienced wife? She was the one who had
made him this way! He had come to accept she
was okay with their lovemaking because she
never said otherwise; neither does she bring in
her own energy into the game.
Yes, the onus was on him to satisfy her, but he
was also somehow a novice too as regard to
S£x.
The lady, Boma, had giving him the green light
the last time he saw her at her office. Did she
want him to sleep with her?
Paul couldn’t believe he was thinking this way.
But he really didn’t care. He didn’t want to
think of the consequences of such thought. For
now he would do anything to make his wife
happy. He would do anything to make himself
feel like a man too.
He allowed himself to reminisce on Boma’s
beautiful body. Then he remembered how she
had acted towards him at her office and all he
could see was enough reason to believe she
must want to sleep with him too.
He usually closed early on Thursday’s for weekly
fellowship, but today, he was going to go to
Boma’s office and if she continues to give him
the light, he would hang out with her today and
attend fellowship next week.
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